my bucket list

I wrote this bucket list in the Spring of 2011, here's an update!

1. Float down the Amazon River in a wooden canoe.
2. Find my uniform (Think Karl Lagerfeld,Steve Jobs)
3. I build a lavender farm in the South of France.
4. Cook an apple pie with a woven top—from scratch.
5. Have my first french discussion with a shop keeper about what it’s like to run a business and family in Paris.
6. Master my own morning green juice ✔ October 2013 (Ask me about it)
7. Lay in my center splits arms wide
8. Help a company who does amazing things do better ✔ 2016 https://iliabeauty.com/
9. Keep seahorses
10. Dip my toes into the freezing ocean while sitting on the edge of an ice shelf in the Arctic. (And watch a beluga whale swim by!)
11. Get the chance to work with Kate Arends from wit & delight. ✔ January 2017 SHE LITERALLY JUST EMAILED ME.
12. Go on a trip with Andrew to the Galapagos Islands.
13. Gallop bareback on a painted horse that I get to feed every morning.
14. Have tea with an Olympic gold medalist to ask them what they decided to do after their dreams came true. Phelps would do nicely.
15.  Hike to a glacier lake. Alone. ✔ August 2011 It was my birthday. My heart was broken. Never seen anything so icy so beautiful.
16. Master the art of Mac’n’cheese.
17. Cook some palak paneer in Mumbai with one of my new friends I’ve just met.
18. Buy an original Marc Johns for my 40th birthday.
19. Swim with a wild dolphin in the carribean.
20. Publish a novel.
21. Whisk my Mama away to Bhutan and Nepal to say an everlasting prayer.
22. Make a homemade pizza in the Italian countryside. 
23. Cook a quinoa casserole in my first kitchen with an island.
24. Watch my dad celebrate his 40th anniversary at GM (in 2021!) and fulfill his retirement dream. Help him buy his first amphib plane (or whatever he wants to do). 
25. Take a photograph of my baby(ies) every day for the first year of his/her life. And every birthday thereafter.
26. Treat a girlfriend to a trip to the Maldives before it goes under.
27. Vote for the first gay prime minister or president.
28. Teach my first class.
29. Take a lesson on joinery from my Grandad and design/make my first wooden chair out of Swedish pine.
30. Put a Syrian girl through K-12.
31. Hit 10,000 followers on Pinterest or equivalent platform. ✔ January, 2013! Going for 100,000 now! (Update: goal blown!)
32. Publish a review of one of my favourite restaurants in Vancouver.
33. Go back to Cortes Island. ✔ July 2015 with my love Sarah Nattrass for a workshop on purpose at Hollyhock!
34. Grow a garden big enough to feed my family for the summer.
35. Have Jody Rogac take my portrait. 
36. Name Daisy the cow’s first calf.
37. Take a course at UBC, again—one day.
38. Utter the words, “I’ve been a nonsmoker for 25 years.”
39. Publish a collection of inspired objects and interviews with their makers.
40. Prepare/eat a 10 course gluten-free vegan meal for family and friends.
41. Take my high school girlfriends on a road trip across America.
42. Build an creative community to share business strategy and ideas in my hometown.
43. Stand up straight once and for all.
44. Subscribe to the Sunday NY Times.
45. Thank the writer(s) of butdoesitfloat.com by sending them a series of photographs.
46. Eat a raw oyster directly from the ocean. ✔ March 2012 Cortes Island, big and slurpy. Mmmm
47. Spend a summer helping my dad decorate his new home after he’s built it.
48. Sob at my baby’s first dance recital, science fare, invention, poem, and victory.
49. Visit the North of England with Gran. ✔ For my great gran's 100th birthday celebration
50. Be invited to do a set of film stills for an upcoming independent film.
51. Jump in the water at Iguazu Falls. 
52. Play at my first poker table with James in Vegas.
53. Pay back my parents. 
54. Go on a silent retreat.
55. Make a website for my Gran’s artwork—sell her first piece online.
56. See a pod of orcas in the wild. Hopefully kayaking next to them. ✔ June 2014 It was absolutely astonishing... and I'm super glad I wasn't in a kayak!!!! 
57. Design/make an entire outfit, wear it to Denny’s.
58. Help a friend start their own business. Whether it’s financial, marketing, or design support. ✔ Fall 2014 helping Chloe launch Chloe's Countertop
59. See where Marie Antoinette slept. ✔ September 2011 Never seen a bed that royal that  small!
60. Poutine. The real thing. In Quebec.
61. Take my kids to see my childhood homes.
62. Do a portrait series of people outside the Pompidou. 
63. See a pride of lions in the wild. 
64. Start a book club. Actually read all the books. Make it awesome enough that everyone else actually reads all the books. Maybe it’s just ‘readings’ not books. (I’m taking ideas & members)
65. Finish grad school. ✔ May 2017 I have a Masters in Strategic Design & Management from Parsons School of DEsign
66. Paint the giant papier mache flamingo.
67. Have my brother help me design and build a green house/solarium next to my kitchen.
68. Spend a month in Brooklyn. Exploring. Eating. Writing. ✔ July 2016 How about a few years, girl?
69. 69 at 69, ‘nuff said.
70. Write a blog people actually read. ✔ April 2012 Check it
71. Invent a fruit salad awesome enough to eliminate cantaloupe from all fruit salads.
72. Vote for the first atheist prime minister.
73. Have my own sheep. Shave it. Learn to use a loom. Make my own wool. Knit something.
74. Sing a song publicly.
75. Perfect my own dijon vinaigrette.
76. Shoot and edit a short film.
77. Run a half marathon.  ✔ SeaWheeze 2013: haha.
78. Hold my brother’s first child.
82. Make a gigantic dream catcher.
83. Make my own goat feta.
84. Be Dorothy for Halloween. Find a cairn terrier and everything.
85. Make an origami bouquet. ✔ April 2016 it's pretty cute.
86. Portrait series of a flower’s evolution in different liquids (coconut water, coke, ionized water, milk, etc). Submit to the Center for Art + Environment.
87. Cook a lobster.
88. Marry the man of my dreams.
89. Feel sexier at 50 than I felt on my wedding day.
90. Sleep in the desert. Stare up at the milky way. ✔ October 2011 Oh yes, did I ever.
91. Be a mentor for a person in each decade below mine.
92. Knit a scarf for myself and each girlfriend.
93. Visit an organic coffee farm and have an espresso.
94. Lock out in Standing Bow.
95. Take a portrait of one of my heroes.
96. Tell Oprah, if not Martha Beck, “Thank You” over tea.
97. Be a contributor to Design*Sponge or equivalent interior style blog.
98. Donate $10,000 to the organization of Katrina’s choice.
99. Publish a photographic memoir of my life.
100. Buy a one way ticket to paradise.

*101. (for good luck) Re-write the remaining things to do at age 50.

on savouring

Karston and I wrote this together for a project and it never got used. Such a shame. Here it is anyway.

masters research topic: the future of well-being

“Exploring new design and business opportunities in the well-being industry THROUGH breakthrough research and technology affecting the factors of human flourishing."

44% of Americans feel more stressed now than they did 5 years ago. 4 in 10 adults also feel that they are regularly ignored by someone too engrossed in their smartphone. It’s estimated that one in five Americans suffers from persistent loneliness and we’ve learned that low social interaction can be as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Stress- and loneliness-related illness cost the nation $300 billion last year in medical bills and lost productivity.

With a stress and loneliness epidemic on our hands, why are we confused that the United States ranks 13th on the World Happiness Report? Why are we okay with allowing the illusion of success and digital connectivity to undermine our health and our relationships—the two most critical factors in happiness?

Harvard Psychologist Shawn Achor has shown that "happy people are more successful, not the other way around." So why does our subjective well-being get sidelined in the race toward success—the times when we likely need to take care of it the most?

Why do we struggle to cope with big stressors and resort to self-medication through drugs, alcohol, television, or other escape methods? How do we take people from surviving to thriving?  How might we help people experience more fulfillment in their lives? What would a community look like if we restructured and reprioritized our minds, spaces, and calendars to reflect a happier, more connected and resilient lifestyle? And, unlike your average EQUINOX membership, how might it be accessible to all?

we found home

You guys. We found home. He's moving in August.

our apartment color palette

I'm moving (again) and I need some options to refer to before we pick the bones of our new place. Digging a light wood, grayscale, and brass palette with black accents. Gender indifferent, easy on the eyes, and lots of room to play. Also, how gorgeous are these cotton stalks?

a pemberton bachelorette

Girlfriends. Mountains. Beer pong. Dirty Jenga. Breathtaking beauty. Pemberton, BC. What more can you ask for on a bachelorette? Am I right?

just in case you were wondering

I fell in love...

how to survive the devastating emptiness of life completely alone in a medical crisis

1. PANIC. You know when people say don't panic when you're panicking? Yeah, don't listen to them. Let yourself panic—just don't move, lift the phone, make a decision, or get in a cab. Panic properly. Let every disruptive, disorienting hypothetical thought flow through you. Let it drive your adrenaline all the way up. So far up that you might just lay flat out on the side of the street and let them hit you. But don't. Because you're not allowed to move. Why? There is this natural chemical swoosh of happy feelies and calm reason that swoops in right after you let yourself panic. You need that clarity. Don't move until you have it for at least one minute. 

2. ALERT YOUR PANTRY. Oprah told Brene Brown that she has a pantry of people—maybe two to five people—who she trusts to tell her the truth. These are the only people who you need to alert. You aren't going to have time for sympathizers or optimists. You are going to need loving realists who are conservative with their advice and liberal with their affection. They're also going to need a lot of patience so make sure you ask them for exactly what you need, no fluff. And for christ's sake, do not call them when you're panicking. 

3. PICTURE YOUR BULLET CENTER. In the middle of uncertainty, IVs, chaos, and coffee, there's going to be a sturdy, grounded stone of strength inside of you. Mine is right below my diaphragm—the part of my body that doesn't move. Its true center. I envision mine to be this weighted stone on a fishing line, shining like black onyx. It doesn't move when they say you'll need one more round of the drug. It doesn't move when someone hangs up on you. It doesn't twist to ring out the pain or bend to soften a blow. This is your bullet center. You need it during long waits, medical bills, and more bad news. As another tumultuous moment comes, before allowing a reaction or an emotional wave, picture it strong in your center. Respond only from that place. 

4. RELEASE YOUR DEADLINES. There are going to be to-dos, to-bes, appointments, deadlines, meet hers, pick up thats, and grab a things. Just release them all. Notify everyone that you’re out. Indefinitely. You’re going to need a doctor’s note and tell your kind caregiver to make it as vague as possible. Healing when you’re alone is next-level stressful because everything takes about 20 times as long and is about 20 times as hard. 

5. THINK WORST CASE SCENARIO. Your pantry is going to hope for the best. Your doctors are going to lay down the spectrum of good to bad outcomes—the risks, the routines, the reasons. You’ll notice people say “think positive” in these moments. If you listen and think positively, you might not ask for enough time off or book a trip you can’t take. You need to pay acute attention to the worst case scenario and plan for that. This way you’re relaxed and ready if, god forbid, it actually happens.

6. EMBRACE LALA LAND. Sometimes your bullet center vanishes in the deepest darkest moments of fear and uncertainty. I think it’s the point at the height of panic because calm reason doesn’t swoop in. This is when you’ll need your lala land. Your heaven on earth. Your glass of water after a long race—the place that gives you one last bit of relief, even if it’s just for a moment. Mine is at the end of a lakeside dock in the middle of August with my feet dangling in the water. The place I take myself right before the needle goes in or the doctor comes back. It’s a place that could bring you to happy tears if you focus on it long enough. Figure out what that is and visit when necessary. 

7. GET SOMEONE TO COME FOR THE HARDEST PART. Ding ding ding—you can’t travel when you have a medical crisis so your people are going to need to come to you. Determine the hardest part of your recovery and schedule someone to come for that week. Pay for their ticket if you need to. It’s physically impossible to do the hardest parts alone. Even if you think you’re super human, I can promise you that you’re not.

8. BUY A PAIR OF GORGEOUS PJS. You might be in them for weeks. They’ll be a physical safe haven to retreat to when the hospital robes come off and Dawson’s Creek comes on. Make sure they’re so cute you’re comfortable walking to the store in them for more supplies. I prefer stretch cotton. But Base Range would do nicely.

 Justine Khamara's hand-cut photographs, 2013

my williamsburg

A quick hit of the Williamsburg I have come to know and love.

BRUNCH: Cafe Collette. Try to get a spot around in the back room.

COFFEE: Northerly. It's quick and easy-to-grab. No fuss. Yum.

WORK: Freehold. Lots of spots to hook up and hop online.

DINNER: Diner. Go early so you can actually get a spot.

COCKTAILS: Have & Meyer. COME ON. So fucking cute.

YOGA: Modo Hot Yoga. Yin. Gorgeous new spot. But my fave so far is Maha Rose in Greenpoint.

JUICE: Honestly, I love Juice Generation on Bedford on my way to the L Stop.

VEGAN: Little Choc Apothecary. Try the mushroom savory crepe. Die.

LUNCH: Sweetgreen. It's easy and all over New York but reliable for a quick lunch.

WOMEN'S: Beautiful Dreamers. And Bird. And Berlyn 65. And Awoke Vintage. And and and...

NAILS: pH7. Nontoxic. Done.

MUSIC: Rough Trade. Whoa. 

HAIR: Shizen Brooklyn. Ask for Aki.

BEST VIEW: Ides Bar at the Wythe Hotel. East River State Park. 

DATE NIGHT: Lilia. For fancy people with good taste.

JUST CAUSE IT'S WILLIAMSBURG: Mociun. Heatonist. Catbird. Brew School at Toby's Estate.

first moments in new york

This is the square closest to my apartment in South Williamsburg. My mind is blown by how vast this city is—it could almost swallow me whole and no one would know. The grime has caught me off guard and there is no such thing as silence. But the food... and the galleries... and the endless history... It's everything I thought it would be and more.

cocoa beach, florida

I spent the winter holiday with my family in Cocoa Beach, FL staring at the waves. On New Years Eve, we had a bbq at the beach. At midnight, we blasted a remix of Edward Sharpe's Home and ran into the ocean in our underwear as fireworks shot off the beach in every direction. It was one of the most magical nights I've ever had with my family

december, caffeinated

We all meet but do we ever truly touch?
Digital Painting Series, 40" x 60"

fairfield, iowa

My love, Karston Smith, and I took a crazy trip to the center of Transcendental Meditation in Fairfield, Iowa. We toured the golden domes where everyone in the town meditates twice a day, every day. We discovered the roots of the Vedic Literature and saw an ecovillage the runs completely off the grid. We both got an Ayurvedic oil massage at The Raj and had our minds blown by the most intense silence we've ever heard. Highly recommend a trip to this funky little town if you make it to the midwest.

minneapolis, minnesota

My mother moved into the North Loop of Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm making a pit stop here for a few weeks on my way to New York City. I've really enjoyed seeing the mill history in relationship to the Mississippi River. 

Food to remember:
Bachelor Farmer
Bar La Grassa
Butcher & the Boar

do I dare disturb the universe?

The only safe thing is to take a chance.
— Elaine May

on ingenuity

“If you can’t draw as well as someone, or use the software as well, or if you do not have as much money to buy supplies, or if you do not have access to the tools they have, beat them by being more thoughtful. Thoughtfulness is free and burns on time and empathy.”
—Frank Chimero

los angeles, california

Justin and I were in LA for a wedding at Cal Tech this month and we got the chance to hit up MOCA, Venice, and Abbot Kinney in the process. Quick lil' pit stop that I'll remember forever.

the joy of a blank page

Today I am grateful for the joy of a blank page. It's empty. Just sitting there waiting to be filled, to be romanced, to be ruined. I get this lifting in my chest when I see it—like everything is possible. Anything I've ever accomplished in my life began here. It takes courage to fill it. It takes courage to create a new combination of words or lines or gradients and to decide if it's good or not. I am joyful in the process, though. And I want to remember that right now so I can reread this when the fear sneaks in and poops on stuff. xo.

P.S. That is my journal which is an amazing product from O Check Designs.

on loneliness

Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft
my voice so tender
my need of god
absolutely clear.
—Hafiz